I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
