Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize