I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
