You smell like stripper and shame
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
