we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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