I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i out mim tonsoeep
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