How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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