She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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