Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude i'm inner monologue high
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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