I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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