so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
