I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
