Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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