Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
