It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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