____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
