She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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