i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
