i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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