i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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