how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
