so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
