I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
