I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
