Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
