I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
