I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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