i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
