my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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