he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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