i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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