i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
