just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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