Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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