my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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