I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
