also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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