I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
