I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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