were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have fence marks all over my body
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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