hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
my poor anus
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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