the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
