Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
