she was so not down for the gang bang
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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