Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
