So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
