Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
