i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
