textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
