we made out on top of his cat.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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