I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Your penis caused this!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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