I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
