hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
