as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
