What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
