last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
