he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
