2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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