"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
