you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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