The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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