can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
