Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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