areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
