i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
