And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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