Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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