One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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