I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i permit you to call me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I would fuck him just for his dog
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
