Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
