Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
