and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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