It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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